One or two

She was sitting next to him silently when cold and fresh air blew over her face. They were not exchanging glances nor were they holding hands. It was something very quiet and strong happening between them. They realised it. She wanted him to sit there all her life and say nothing. It was a still promise. Were they in love? I am not sure because there were a zillion things going in her mind. She was fighting with herself. And he was sure that he won’t get her. But they made a promise which knowingly or unknowingly was sustained. I think this is called togetherness.

A tear rolled down her eye, her throat choked and she was sitting miles away knew that it wasn’t a cold; it was her daughter who was crying. She panicked and stood up as she couldn’t hear or see her cry. She wanted her to be happy and joyous all the time. But isn’t she grown up?  She knew that crying, getting hurt is a part of life and no one can ignore it. But she still wanted her to be happy. And the daughter was denying it by saying that “it’s just cold mumma” I m sorry for lying but I can’t help it. The way you care about me, the way you love me, the way you are always there for me. There are a few things which I can’t share and I have to fight with them on my own. But thanks for just being there without saying a word and understanding me. I am just looking for window so that I can see what is about to come next and be prepared. But I guess there is no window, it’s always a surprise. She was telling her mother that she shouldn’t worry and kept the phone down. She was crying out loud.

She doesn’t talk much; she stays in her own world and barely comes out. She sits in one corner of the room and keeps wondering or thinking about something which has been lately bothering her. She tries to be strong and not cry in front of anyone. Is she fighting with herself for a valid reason? Maybe the answer is right in front of her and she is not able to see it. Her friend is standing there for her to smile. She holds her hand and just takes her for a walk. This makes her feel so much better. She is still fighting with herself but gives a smile and looks into her (friend’s) eyes to make sure that she stops worrying. Thanks for taking me for a walk, I just needed it.

She has been with a person for a long time and she believes it to be love. Is it love? Her friends tell her that it is as she talks to him all the time. Talking to him might also be a habit. She is just used to it. Is she fighting to know what it actually is? May be may not be. He says he is in love with her. Is that true? Maybe he is also fighting with himself and he is not telling her. Maybe he is actually in love with her. What do I do? I m stuck. He has been with me all the time and cared about me; whenever I needed him he was right beside me. But now I think I have stopped walking and he eventually went ahead. Are we separated? Will he wait for me? I think I need some rest from walking; I just want to sit for some time alone. I don’t know what to do. What do I expect from him? He makes me laugh, makes me smile, and makes me cry. But all of these go along. But does that include forcing or ordering? This for sure makes me uncomfortable. And provokes me for a fight with myself. His soft touch, cute smile, never ending jokes keeps us together. He kissing my forehead and not my lips keeps us together. Maybe the reality isn’t so beautiful; maybe I should wait for him to turn back and realise that I am not walking with him anymore. He blindly believes that I am walking with him. I just hope he turns back. For him it is togetherness but for her it’s not.

What about the person who defined togetherness for her? Is she in love with him? Is she actually fighting to know if he will turn back or is she fighting for her togetherness to come take her somewhere else? She is confused. May be she is in love with the person who has always been there; just that she was tired walking. Togetherness is so different for different people. They think that they are together but they are actually not. And at times they make silent promises to be together be it rain or sun. These are different incidents of her life which describe togetherness to her. They might be small but are touching. A small hug, holding hands and silent promises just keeps them alive forever. Writing makes me feel so much better.